Whether it’s sifting through countless bad matches on your dating app or being set up on a date by your matchmaker, it’s hard enough to land a date with someone who has potential. But when despite you being interested, date number two doesn’t end up on the table, you can be left feeling deflated, wondering if this love thing is for you.
At Elite Introductions, being set up on a date takes quite a bit of time and energy, often from a number of people on the team, drawing on our matching algorithm, as well as instinct from decades of total experience in the matching game. Obviously if you like the person, it’s a bit of a blow to the old ego if the interest isn’t reciprocated.
Well we’ve devised a way to improve your chances of a two way street with a valuable ‘feedback report’ system. The member fills in a little feedback form and we have a chat about their perspective of the date- what went well and what got in the way. We then share with them the feedback they received from their date. Then something remarkable happens- the ones who take it on board and actually take accountability for how they are received, seem to dramatically improve their ‘strike rate’ on getting that elusive second date with someone they like.
The Second Date Rule Book
Although these tips are usually kept in the vault with the rest of the valuable member gems, I’ve cracked the safe to give you these valuable insights.
Below are some of my favourites that, if adopted, can seriously raise your chances of another invite. Even if you don’t think they refer to you, do yourself a favour and practice these little gems.
1. Address the senses- Most people may take time to consider how they look but do you consider the other senses. Applying a few simple strategies can dramatically shift your dating success.
- a. Sight- Obviously be well groomed. Dress for the occasion. If you’re going to the orchestra or an art exhibition then dress for it. But if your date event is casual then dress for that. If you’re a guy and you suggest or enquire about appropriate attire to match hers for a particular date in the call before, you’ll score massive brownie points.
- b. Smell is the most obvious one- be freshly clean, deodorant and perfumed but next level is a nice smelling hair product and a body cream can be very alluring. Oral hygiene is absolutely essential.
- c. Taste- yes how you taste if you get to a kiss can have a huge impact on how you are received. No onion or garlic for a day before. If you have garlic on your date make sure you both eat it. Absolutely no fresh onion. If you smoke, even very occasionally socially, quit 3 days before your date. An anti-smoker would dump Clooney or Jolie if they picked up the scent.
- d. Touch- Wearing something touchable can be incredibly alluring such as angora or velvet. If your flesh is an asset don’t overdo it and make sure you’re smooth to touch. If your date likes you, they’ll be a moth to your flame.
- e. Sound- This is a hard one but something worth considering. Our voices are something we need to consider. Of course we are dealing with genetics but take a moment and ask some people close to you (and honest) how you sound. If something needs work (pitch, tone, volume, clarity) get some professional help. It could be undermining your happiness. Outside of voice, other noises like grunting every time you get off a chair or eating sounds can quickly kill a vibe so check yourself before you wreck your date.
2. Choose the right location- Do a little research and find something fun. But make sure you are still able to feel comfortable enough to be yourself. Think of 3 things that you’d love to do. At least 2 not dinner
3. Give the date the time and focus it deserves. Put away your phone. (Do NOT leave it on the table) If you can help it, don’t book anything after the date that you have to leave for… at least nothing you can’t change if things go well.
4. Have subjects ready to discuss. Some opening questions to have in your kitty
- Are you working on any personal passion projects?
- What does a typical day look like for you?
- Is there anything you don’t eat?
- What sort of vacations do you like to take?
- Tell me about some of your friends.
- Do you have any pet peeves?
4. Chill the f^*k out- Show your flexibility if things go array like a wrong meal or having to change plans. No one likes a princess (especially a male one). Man or woman, this is an opportunity to show that you have perspective, are easy going and have control over your inner narcissist. Show your potential mate that you can roll with the punches and are solutions rather than problem focussed.
5. Don’t assess this person as the potential life partner. Just have some fun, work on your dating skills and be open to the positive things about them. It takes time to see if you like someone. Give it some air to breathe. Be in the moment and just enjoy yourself. It’s just a date for heaven’s sake.
6. Look for 5 reasons why you like this person, not why you don’t. Put away your negative judgments. Your goal could be to have that person see the things your best friends love about you and for you to seek out what theirs love about them.
7. Don’t bring past failures into this date. Whether it be ghosts of previous partners or a plethora of bad dates, leave the past behind and don’t let it’s negativity infect the moment. This is a new person with new possibilities. Treat the date like the blank canvas that it is.
*Special Tip: Bill Paying Protocol
If your date is dinner this can be a tough one. Especially if you like the restaurants my members do.
Both genders can enjoy chivalry but are also influenced by the equality movement. This can be even more complicated with my clients because, as they are both successful in their own right, no one ‘needs’ to be paid for. Myself, even though I’m in the front line of the glass ceiling breakers, I still like it when the men pay for the date of my matches. Despite being an ass kicker in life and spending large parts of my life in relationships as the bigger bread winner, I still love the traditional gender roles. I love to dress up and look pretty and be taken out to dinner by my dashing man.
In the interests of equality I make this compromise:
Men be ready to pay for the first date but if she insists on splitting the check, agree and think nothing of it. There’s plenty of time and opportunity to do things nice for her if things go well and you see each other again. Whatever you do don’t demand equality and request a split check unless it’s clear to both of you that things are not working out on the date. I had a member that demanded going dutch and justified it with claims to uphold women’s fight for equality, but in all honesty, he just looked cheap.
Ladies, if things go well it’s fine to let him pay, but if you’re a modern woman less interested in traditional roles then simply plan and pay for your next date. He will see it as a thoughtful gift and you can restore balance to the modern female universe.
A little preparation, openness to possibility and an easy going fun attitude will increase the chances of both of you seeing the positives and will raise the likelihood of a second date, where the real fun can begin.