Bored of the tired and overused slogans of love? Looking for the secrets of making someone fall for you? Surprise! It’s not all about good looks and box ticking criteria. Making someone fall for you is difficult and making them stay in love with you is even harder.

Don’t fret, we can help. If it’s a new relationship, with these tips and tricks, the person you’re too nervous to ask out will wonder why they didn’t get with you sooner. If you’re already in a relationship following a few of these guidelines may just give your coupling the spark you’ve been wishing for.

Nelson Mandela

1. Love Languages

If you’ve read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Languages of Love, you understand the importance of knowing you and your partner’s love languages. When you’re getting back into the field, having this knowledge under your belt can change the game completely. Knowing what makes your partner happy early into the relationship makes you instantly more desirable. The positive ramifications are obvious. Love, passion and intimacy generally breed more love passion and intimacy. Understanding what lights your partner up and what doesn’t can take you from just another date to a serious contender for their heart. If it’s not obvious whether its, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts or quality time that sparks your new love, then don’t be afraid to ask. It’s a great tool to assist both of you in making the other happy.

2. Know How To Apologise

How many times has your partner gotten mad at you because they feel like “you aren’t actually sorry, you’re just saying you are”. When you and your partner bicker or squabble which generally will, unfortunately, inevitably happen, knowing how to say sorry and make them feel better is incredibly valuable. Not only will it improve your chances of forgiveness but it will also improve conflict management in the future because they know when you apologise, you mean it. Making amends should be taken seriously. Most people are incredibly forgiving when the person who scorned them simply takes responsibility and apologises. The goodwill escalates substantially when they see an effort to not repeat the upsetting behaviour.

3. The Importance of Trust and Tenderness

Remember when you were younger and you were too scared to hold the hand of the girl or boy you’d taken to the movies? Well. The awkwardness of puberty may have been your excuse then, but now there is no reason for you not to be tender and sweet with your partner. Opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your partner is not only important for you but it can also be important for them. If your partner can see you are willing to trust them and love them in a sweet and caring way, it shows them you are emotionally mature and willing to trust them. Trust is intensely valuable in any relationship, and a surefire way to achieve this, is through tenderness.

If trust is something that you’ve struggled with or if it has been abused in the past, its not fair to dump that on your new partner. You can share your previous struggle so they respect it more but you can’t punish them for your past. Besides, most people’s ethics are lifted when they receive faith and trust in them. A mental process known as cognitive dissonance will drive them to match the identity of them that you have helped to create.
Your gentle tenderness and faith in your partner cultivates warmth and better behaviour from both.

4. Take Time to Appreciate Them

When one stays in a relationship for too long, they tend to take each other for granted. Making sure you take time to appreciate your partner and remind yourself why you’re in love with them will keep you in love for longer. Practicing gratitude in all parts of your life will make you happier. Practicing gratitude with your partner helps the two of you understand why the other person is so important to you. Take them for a walk and start a conversation with “I’m feeling very grateful today.” Then list some of the things your grateful for. From your health, to the beautiful country you live in to the good fortune of your career or business and then get to the point. “I’m so grateful for you,” and tell them what’s awesome about them. Feeling appreciated is a huge driver for most people to be the better version of themselves. It also makes them feel closer to their admirer… you. Do I have to list the perks that closeness brings to a relationship?

5. Don’t Ask Them to Give Up Things that are Important to Them

Just like you, your partner has things that mean something to them outside of you. Whether this is a group of friends, a hobby, a career opportunity etc. does not matter. As a relationship, it is up to both of you to support each other in the things you do. As long as the things you or your partner participate in aren’t hurting anyone or themselves, let them indulge in the things that make them happy. Every partnership is allowed to have interests outside of each other- in fact its a requirement for a healthy long-term relationship. It is the strongest antidote for codependency which can be a cancer in a relationship. It is imperative that you and your partner have time outside of the relationship to do things you love. Ignoring your partner’s need for space and interests is a one-way relationship killer. Balance the need for quality time with space and giving each other room to breathe.

6. Take Them on Interesting Dates

In his list of 6 emotional human needs, Tony Robbins suggests that the second primary need is uncertainty or variety. In your relationship their needs to be certainty but this can’t lead to boring predictability. A simple remedy for fighting the mundane of shared life is a well thought out unexpected shared event. Variety exists on it’s own at the start of a relationship. Everything is new. But, in the back of everyone’s mind is the knowledge of what could become. Reassure them of future fun with and generate memorable instant wow factor by taking them on an interesting first date. Your creativity sends a signal to their brain connecting excitement and wonder with you. This not only separates you from competition but it also makes you memorable and sparks a host of feel good and bonding hormones in your partner, promoting excitement and connection.

Although movie dates and dinner dates still hold steady and true, they can get a bit tiring and boring after a while. By spicing up your dates, you also spice up your love life and make the person sitting across from you much more interested in you.

7. Don’t Treat it Like a Job Interview

So. You’ve got a checklist of criteria that the perfect man/woman has to meet. Well, I hate to disappoint but you better put that list away. The first date is about getting to know someone, but interrogating someone about who they are isn’t going to make them particularly interested in you. Let the conversation flow naturally between the two of you and let learning something about them be a game and not a list to read through. It is much more attractive to see someone who laughs at your jokes and listens to your stories than it is to see someone who asks questions like you’re sitting for a test. In the world of dating, natural is key and although you may have things you find appealing in a partner, find out those things naturally instead of using your criteria to find out if they are worthy on the first date.

Wrapping Up

Although making someone fall for you is difficult, keeping these tips and tricks in mind will skyrocket your chances of success and make you much more attractive and appealing in the dating scene. By using our hints, you have a significantly better chance of making your partner happy which means they fall in love and stay in love longer. Even though it takes a bit more work than sharp jawlines and good dress sense, two people falling in love together can be a wonderful and captivating journey.