5 Tips to Help Reduce Anxiety on a First Date
Even some of the most competent and successful people in the world can and do experience anxiety about a first date. But there are tried and true methods that I show to my clients, that help them to reduce or minimise anxiety and even turn the energy into a form that MAKES YOU MORE ATTRACTIVE. I’m dead serious.
In this article learn
- How to start you your date hours before you meet them and shift the dynamic to one where you feel more in control
- How to shift the state of your anxious energy to one of excitement, positivity and sexual chemistry so you never fear first date anxiety again.
- How to take the pressure of expectation away from your date and actually start to love the experience.
- Distinguishing the difference between dating and relationships and how your confusion is ruining your chances of happiness.
It’s totally natural for the feelings of uncertainty to evoke fight or flight reactions streaming through your blood when faced with the idea of social exchanges with a near stranger.
First-date anxiety is a real thing and is felt by even the most experienced daters. Men and women sometimes end up needing a counselling session with our in-house psychologist or their dating consultant before going out on their date. These are people who manage corporate takeovers, and IPOs, or even execute life-or-death surgeries. If they are struggling, what chance do the rest of us mere mortals have?
Before you spend another year hiding under your covers praying for the perfect person to just show up next to you… I’ve put together 5 simple tips to help anyone out there struggling to reduce their first date jitters.
Get Into The Groove
Most people think their date starts when they are standing in front of the person. No wonder they’re freaking out. The truth is it begins way before that. A routine around your preparation for a date could be a game-changer for you. Pick out your outfit, put on some fun music, run a bubble bath, and pour yourself a small drink. These little habits can turn the experience into something fun and something to look forward to. Call a friend and have a laugh about the potential night ahead. That way your wingman or woman can be on standby all night, right there in your pocket.
Turn Anxiety into Sexy
From a certain perspective, anxiety is just an energy inside you that you are struggling to get a grip on. But energy itself is essential to the success of your evening. You need energy for playfulness, fun, spontaneity, engagement and flirtation. Without energy (even nervous energy) sexual chemistry cannot thrive. Science tells us that anxiety and excitement are so close when studying the chemistry of the blood so it may be time to shift your energy. A proven way to do this is with physical activity combined with positive expressed statements. Go for a jog or dance your ass off to a favourite song. Declare to the world… “I’m so excited for tonight. I feel sexy and playful. We’re gonna have a ball.” Or whatever lights you up. The trick is to combine your physical and mental states to shift your emotional one. Now the energy you used to call anxiety is your ally helping you to leave your mark on your date.
Expectation Will Ruin Your Night
An infamous line from Landmark education is “Expectation is a formula for an upset.” Expecting, or even worse, demanding some immediate fireworks reaction is not only a path to failure but a surefire way to raise your anxiety about your date. ‘It’s just a date people.’ All you’re doing is meeting someone and deciding if you’re both nice and fun enough to want to see each other again. If you’re not convinced, trust me, I have the experience to tell you that the success rate for long-term relationships from that hot, exciting love-at-first-sight feeling on the first date is close to zero. They almost always fizzle out to nothing or turn out to be major headaches. It’s the people that take a little time to let things breathe and see how they roll out that have a far higher success rate into a serious relationship.
You’re a Person, not an HR Department
In a desperate attempt to save time, many of you are treating your dates like some type of job interview. The pressure is destroying both of you and any chance of chemistry. Stop demanding their life plans and their love of hairless cats before you even know if you like each other. You’d be surprised how flexible they and you can be a little later once you discover you like or even love each other. Even dog people can find themselves shopping for a Sphynx once they fall for someone. Stop confusing dating and relationships. Your role is not to decide if they are your perfect match in every way so you don’t have to change a thing about your life, your job is simply to help them get to know the fun, easy-going sexy part of you that makes them want to go out again. By simplifying the date you can alleviate so much of your anxiety that is stemming from too much expectation.
It’s Not Me… It’s You!
Finally, if your nervous energy is stemming from your own concerns about not being enough for them to like you, then turn your self-focussed energy back onto them and it will become your tool for a successful date. Ask them questions, get curious, and really look and listen to them. Letting someone be seen and heard is so powerful. And while you’re showing them that you are special by truly engaging with them, you’ve taken the energy away from you and lowered your anxiety.
Anxiety before your first date is common. Don’t panic, start by using a fun routine and maybe even a dance or a jog around the block to shift your energy into something you can use to help you rather than hinder you. And beware of overly-high expectations and the job interview technique during your dates. You’re loading yourself with so much stress. It’s just a date FFS. Have some fun and show them that you are easy to be around and before you know it, your first date jitters will be shifting into chemistry and romance.
If you experience SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and normal healthy self-regulating techniques such as these are not working then please seek professional advice.