Australia’s Millionaire Matchmaker Trudy Gilbert Provides a Reality Check for Perfectionists
There’s little better to while away a rainy Sunday afternoon than to curl up on the couch with a Disney movie or even a classic romcom. Even if you don’t like it, chances are the damage was done by them before you were the ripe old age of 7. Ladies, gents, many of us fall victim to the idea of the perfect man or woman, but when assessing it properly, is that aspiration really sustainable?
Perfection is seductive because it dangles the promise of something that no one can criticise, something without flaws. But I am here today to tell all of you perfectionists that flawlessness does not exist in people. Oh and just because you would never use the word ‘perfect,’ doesn’t mean that your list isn’t unrealistic and unattainable.
Settling for Different
The first argument many use, when they are questioned of this mentality, is, “why should I settle for less?” Fellow dating expert, James Preece, calls this idea ‘The Disney Syndrome,’ the idea that every woman will find her handsome prince, and every man his beautiful princess, even if they themselves aren’t up to the royal standard. Whilst it’s true that some standards should and can be met around personal characteristics such as respect, kindness, integrity, fun or lifestyle and life history standards such as level of education, resources etc, the laundry list of fantasy ideals are less likely to come true. Turning down a date because the guy’s racist or the girl’s a golddigger? Absolutely valid, but turning down a date because they don’t look like your perfect ideal or don’t share your favourite band, movie or favourite cheese and wine and then pining about how you’ll never find Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty is a little problematic. The truth is, perfection doesn’t exist and striving for a fantasy leads to loneliness.
The second most common argument we get from you choosy Lucys out there is that “I’ve worked my ass off to find the ideal partner, I’m happy to wait for everything I want and not compromise.” In fact your bond to your fantasy can actually increase in line with your loneliness. I mean if you start to “compromise’ (as you would call it to justify your position) now, then you would have to be accountable for previous years of dissatisfaction and loneliness. So you hold onto your ideal even tighter as your friends fly off to Hawaii with their spouses and celebrate milestones with their children.
Perfection is a Myth. Let it Go… Let it Go.
Hate to burst your bubbles babes, but perfection isn’t waiting for you. When you strive for perfection, not only do you ignore 99.8% of the dating pool, but you also fail to realise that chances are if you met even something resembling perfection (and that’s a huge “if”), you wouldn’t be their idea of perfection, and it wouldn’t work out anyway. Being unwilling to compromise makes it more difficult for partners to connect with you and ultimately gets you nowhere. We get it, it’s hard to find someone you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life with, but if and when you do find that person, they’re definitely not going to check every box.
Let’s consider some sobering stats. If you’re like our average member at Elite Introductions Matchmaking Agency and earn over 150k and want a person of similar independence, the ABS says you’re shopping amongst only 3.1% of the population. Oh if that was your only problem. Only 4% of that group are looking for a serious relationship. So now you’re down to roughly 1 in 1000. Which is why you’re getting nowhere with bad dates from apps. Now you want to add an unattainable list to your dream girl or guy. But wait… that’s not all folks. Your OWN personal characteristics have to then… meet the exact criteria of your fantasy person so THEY will want to be with YOU. I tell you what, the world’s therapists and divorce lawyers should be paying Walt Disney a tax for keeping them in business.
Get Real Babe
The idea of perfection is tantalizing because it associates the impossible concept of unlimited happiness, but just like your ex from uni’s promises- none of them are real. So whether you’re wondering after a wishful woman, or pining after a phony prince, take time to rethink your priorities. Remember what’s really important, a kind, respectful, nice looking, healthy active person with similar life stage, similar smarts and wisdom, similar values and aspirations. This is the foundation of your future relationship fulfillment. Stop sabotaging your own happiness with idyllic fantasies. At the end of the day you need to ask yourself…Do you want to be in love with a person? Or stay in love with perfection?